I just don't need all these! Seriously!

I always wanted to be in a relationship. I've always envied couples who made it all the way. I envied those who proudly announce to the world that they found their soul mate, their life partner, their other half. Some one who you have common with. Talk about the thing you like and have in common for hours, or tings you both don't have in common for hours, Learn new things together. Never have awkward silences and if there are silences, you feel serene, at ease.

I honestly thought I did. I thought I found it. I must admit that he's not perfect but no one is perfect. But what I wanted most, the care, the concern.... where was it when I really needed it yesterday? Isn't what happened to me a big thing? Something worth worrying about?

Honestly, it's not my problem now. If he didn't feel worried or panic when I told him the news, then he should ask himself do I really matter to him. He should have the real answer inside him. I want to have a boyfriend who helps me take my troubles away, share my problems, be there to offer me protection and care when I need it, to help lessen my burden, not give me extra of all those! I don't need it! If I can handle all those when I'm single, so I don't need you if you cannot help me. What's the point? You are not helping, you are creating more trouble! Don't call me to expect me to do all the talking! You call so you talk! You called because you have things to say right? I didn't call you because I have nothing to tell you. So STOP making it so difficult! Why force yourself to do something which you don't like? Why?

I can never open my mouth to say all these to you. Not in person and not even over the phone. I just don't know how.... but if you happen to read this, I really really hope you understand. Maybe I'm just not right..... sorry......