A first time for everything

Today, for the first time, I had lunch... alone.

I'm never the type of person who does things alone outside. How do I explain this? I consider myself a loner but at the same time, I never liked doing things by myself out of my comfort zone. To be more precise, I love spending me time alone at home. I don't mind not getting any sunshine at all for 2-3 days. I can hibernate at home and is okay with it. But, going out alone... not really me. I hate being alone in a crowded place with people. I hate looking like the loner. I always feel like as if people are looking at me. It makes me feel so pathetic. With that said, that is why I also cannot stand the fact if I know anyone doing things alone... catching a movie alone, eating alone... maybe this is how I look at people so therefore this is how I feel that people will look at me.

But today, all I knew was that I needed to get out of the office. I just couldn't stand sitting there anymore. So I took a deep breath of courage, took my purse, took the lift down and walked. I usually end up not going far and just only to the bakery and pack some bread back up stairs, but today, I continued walking. I walked and I came to McDonald's. It was terrifying at first thinking that people will stare at this pathetic loner having lunch on her own, but then I realized that no body actually really bothered. There were other people who was having their lunch alone too.

In the end, I actually had a nice time. Sitting there alone gave me the chance to just look at people, read their body language, learn human life, how humans communicate. It was actually really relaxing, given sitting in such a noisy and crowded place.

After today, I admit that I will still feel a sinking feeling if I see people doing things alone, and I will try to not criticize. And maybe once in a while, I will go have lunch by myself.