If we are so similar, then I wonder... What I'm feeling, all this 'whatever-ness', is he feeling the same way? Like how I'm feeling not so broken anymore? Or sometimes I wish that we can talk but are strong enough to hold it back? Or not initiating to take the first move to talk when only the both of us are alone together. It happened today but for some reason it was not as awkward as I thought it would be. He's the only person who I feel open enough to tell stupid things like making up conversations when seeing 2 birds seeking shelter from the rain. I miss the days when we sit at the steps making stories about the people dumping rubbish. Or will he still think of me when he sees things like ciggerette boxes, lions, cartoon figurines, 'our' song? Like how I will think of him when I see or hear things that reminds me of him? Or how memories frm 4 months ago are already starting to fade? Or how I still sometimes wish we can go back to that 4 months ago... Or sometimes wish all these never happen or sometimes even feel glad that all these happened? Or feel a bit shocked when we think and say things alike? Or feel that sometimes he dispises me? Like how I lost my respect for him recently? Maybe he lost his respect for me too...
All that I'm feeling from second to second, if we are so alike, this 'letting go and I'll be fine' feeling as much as I'm glad it's happening, I'm sad too that it's happening.... is he going through this phase too?
Friday, November 7, 2008
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